Kiss and Make Up

In a previous post I went on bitterly about the Dog-Eat-Dog world we live in. Now, I certainly consider myself more of a lover than a fighter anyways, so I'd rather talk less about a dog-eat-dog world and more about a dog-hump-dog world. In addition to being more a lover, I like to be educated too. That being said, I'd like to share some information on dog breeding that I have recently learned:

1. Move her to help him. Males that have never mated aren't always sure how to proceed. In fact, they commonly approach the wrong end or simply have trouble making contact.

I believe they call this the Mrs. Robinson.

2. Give nature some help. When dogs have trouble with penetration, using an over-the-counter lubricant may help. Walkowicz recommends using a water-based lubricating product like K-Y Jelly.

This is plain icky.

3. Allow for bathroom breaks. "The mating act titillates more than just the libido," Walkowicz says. "It also sometimes makes them have to go to the bathroom."

I think I can relate.

4. Untie the knot. After mating, the female's muscles contract and the male's penis swells. The resulting "tie" will often keep the pair locked together for 30 minutes to an hour. "You need to watch that they don't hurt themselves," Hunt says. "An inexperienced male doesn't always know he has to get off and turn around backward."

This last point is the one I'd like to dwell upon. My female colleagues (with whom I have shared this information) were rather fond of this idea, and even pondered a world in which men were stuck (pun intended) with the same post-coital dilemma. They all agreed that this would solve many a problem between men and women.

I retorted, "as long as you wouldn't wake me up, I'd be ok with it."

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