BDay Weekend Refresh

Friday: Loser. Stayed home - asleep by 12.

Saturday: Jammed with the band. Ate a teryaki turkey testicle. For a useless bird, they sure are packing.

Sunday: I went to brunch at this uber gay restaurant called Viceroy. Imagine a perfect replica of a french brasserie but serving traditional american cuisine. We had a waiter of epic proportions. If he were as good a waiter as he was flaming, then I wouldn't have suffered through the afternoon in such a caffiene deficiant stupor. Despite my decaffeinated discomfort though, the steak, eggs and cheesy grits more than provided the energy I needed to trek uptown. I generally disdain and have little patience for all things brunch, but this, aided by the weather, was pleasant and a nice treat.

Next came a grueling bus ride uptown to visit the orchid show. The theme by this point of the day was condoms, condoms and more condoms. I have to blunt, and a little insensitive, but there's nothing more aggravating to a hangover than screaming children. I have tolerance up until about age 2, after which, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

So we made it to the orchid show around 2. What is supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable never is in Manhattan. I'm realizing more and more that if you want a good experience in the city, be the first to do it, or don't bother. Once people catch wind of something good it is ruined for those perpetually lagging behind.

So then I was homeward bound. I found peace in my fortress of solitude. My female analogue, partner in crime, and personal decorating assistant and I accomplished the herculean task of carrying an extraordinarily large piece of salvaged furniture up four flights. The exertion and blood flow to my thighs and glutes sent a surge of testosterone thoughout my body. I needed a minute to cool off. My girl kept her distance, out of fear of being swept away by the wave that had just swept me.

So then I tended to my garden, made dinner, and sat down to watch the most recent Spike Lee joint, 'She Hate Me.' This movie had everything I needed: strong family values, girl-on-girl action, and a sweeping distrust of institutions and people in power. I highly recommend it to all conventional folks who prefer to think unconventionally.

So my birthday's eve ended on a graceful note and for that I am grateful. So now I will have to wait a full year or till my next major injury before I can get away with being a selfish, debauched, hedonistic glutton.