Performance for Someone I Really Love

I consider myself mildly schizophrenic, but in a sort of good way. I am always paranoid, but that might be an altogether different disorder. What I feel I have, and I don't necessarily suffer from this, is multiple personalities. I might be exaggerating a little bit to make this story dramatic, but I've got at least 5 different ambitions and they all seem to competing with each other. They compete for my time and attention, and much worse, compete for how I will define and live the rest of my life.

The point of telling all of this is that all of my ambitions seem to be all dried up. What am I doing with myself and what is the point, I ask myself of lately. What was once a bunch big juicy grapes bursting off of the vine is now a pile of raisins lying on sun scorched earth. I've somehow lost my overachieving drive.

The best part about it is I don't really care.

I've noticed that since feeling burnt out, my guitar playing has gotten deeper, with more melody and emotion. I'm at total ease when I'm sitting on my empty bathtub (really great acoustics in the bathroom), strumming away with no real purpose but to please myself.

Exhausting my ambitions has lulled me into a tranquil state of musical masturbation, and with each stroke I get closer and closer to this little climax called peace.